Meet Laila: A Real-Life Story of a Project Avary Youth

“Where’s your mom?”

As a shy little girl, I don’t think I ever dreaded a question more.

How was I supposed to answer that question? If I answered with the truth, then wouldn’t I be met with judgment or pity? Would I be bullied? Again?! I was three years old when my mother went to prison. I spent some time in foster care and now I live with my wonderful grandparents who have raised me ever since. I was taught not to share about my mother’s incarceration. I was ashamed and embarrassed and lonely.

Though it’s not something we should be ashamed of, there isn’t often a safe space of acceptance for children with parents in prison. If we do open up about it, then we’re potentially branded as a problem child, a system child, and we are often treated as if we’re going to end up in prison just like our parents. I was a young child carrying the heavy burden of stigma and judgment, and I had nowhere to go with it.

Then, at seven years old, my grandmother came to me one weekend and said, “Let’s pack your bags. You’re going to spend a week at camp.” I looked at her like she was crazy. “I don’t want to spend a week in the woods with a bunch of people I don’t know. I’m not going!” But we packed my bags anyway and off to camp I went, crying and protesting the entire way to the bus stop.

Then, after a day or two at camp, something shifted. We gathered around the fire one night for a classic Avary fire circle, where all the kids get the opportunity to share about how their parent’s incarceration has impacted their lives. I had never experienced anything like it before. "Wait! I can talk about this?" I thought.

Laila, age 7, at the bus pickup on the way to her first Camp Avary.

For the first time in my life, I knew that I didn’t have to feel shameful about my mom’s incarceration. For the first time ever, I was surrounded by other kids sharing a similar story to mine, and I knew that one day, when I was ready, I could share my story too. I remember looking at the older Junior Counselors and being so grateful to have people around me who have walked in my shoes. I finally had other kids in my life that I could look up to, that I could learn from, and that would pave the way for me to one day lead the next generation through the challenges of healing from the impacts of their parents’ incarcerations. And now, here I am, doing just that!

Fast forward to today: I’m a 17-year-old Junior Counselor and a proud young woman who is no longer ashamed of my story. In fact, my story is what gives me strength and passion and perseverance and grit. I’m proud of what I’ve been through, and I’m excited for where I’m going. Avary taught me to honor this part of myself, and I feel whole because of it.

This year was a particularly special year to be a leader in this community...
Not only was Avary there for me through all the chaos, but I learned a lot about what it means to step up to the plate and lead during challenging situations. When the world was shutting down, Avary didn’t skip a beat. From week one, they were calling all of our families to check on us, making sure we had enough food and important resources and that our mental health was in check. Then they began planning one of the most important summers together we've ever had. We needed one another, and Avary made sure we could be there for each other in a safe and meaningful way.

Before I finish my journey as a Project Avary participant, it’s so important for me to take a moment to thank all of you for your support over the last ten years. Never question if your support makes a difference or whether or not it has an impact. And, if you’ve ever questioned it, let me be the one to tell you that it makes all the difference in the world! You’ve helped change my life, and it means so much to know that so many of you are out there cheering me on. I’ll never forget you.